It has been over two years since I have tasted the sweet-sharp tang of my once-favorite Kahlua/Vodka/Milk. My nightly power-drink. Self-medication. The only way into immediate sleep.

It has been over a year since I have felt the soft rush of Vicodin, which did not diminish the pain. Rather, it made the pain less distressing. It leveled my mood.

And the final medication .. Gabapentin. From 2100, to 1800, to 1200, to 900 … This last twelve months has been at the 600 level, taken only at night.

The pain is sneaky, and invasive, but tolerable.

Yet is it all Fibromyalgia? Perhaps not.

I have learned that TMJ puts stress on the first two vertebrae, which then can affect nerves and it very well may be the reason my arms hurt so much. It has made my guitar and piano practice suffer considerably. My jaw is hurting my arms?? Really??  Oookay. Let’s go with that. A chiropractor that uses an adjuster is being allowed to work with me. First session went smoothly. This is a good sign.  He followed every single one of my ‘rules’ with gentle acceptance. Yes. This is good.

Sleep … a different issue. Fragile. Anxiety-ridden. Painful dreams.

Recently, I have discovered Anise as a tincture. And Lemongrass as a tea to accompany my Cozy Tea from my wonderful friend at Viriditas Wild Gardens ( Hibiscus from a dear friend, turning my tea a lovely, deep rose. And then one day, I was gifted a Catnip plant. Research and musings … I tore a few leaves into my tea.

I slept. Oh I slept. Oh the beauty of real sleep. It was divine!

The next night I reduced the gabapentin to 300. And slept. Oh I slept. It was …. yes, divine!

Repeat the next night. And I crashed into walls of pain. My jaw felt like it was buried in pounds of cement and my feet were being stabbed with hot icepicks.

Mmm. Perhaps I moved a little fast on reducing meds. Ya think ;)?

Oddly, my day was lovely and I was energized and the pain level wasn’t any more or less than normal.  This gives me hope, oh yes it does!

The bees arrived, and a gorgeous butterfly.

Life IS good ^_^

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