Suicide Secrets

Suicide is not ‘contagious’.  But it is suggestive.  It gives pause to contemplate that someone actually succeeded at doing the very thing whispered by the Demon.  They are free.  They’ve escaped this, whatever ‘this’ is.

This Demon and I have been companions since my pre-teens. It is both my friend and my enemy. It smothers me, and it also offers a way to escape.

Through the years I’ve acquired many weapons and tools and even wiles to keep this Demon from devouring me. Some areas within me are barren landscapes of savage battles. Some areas are voids, where nothing at all exists and memories are shattered.  Still, I keep getting back up and going forward, passing through each moment, each day, each week, each month, each year.

Sometimes, my Demon is like a feral animal, partially tamed, and if I navigate very carefully, it will slumber (though it snores to remind me of its presence).  Often, I offer it Love. Sometimes, just sometimes, in those moments, there is a softening.  It happens enough that I keep trying.

There are triggers. Many triggers. When someone else takes that path to escape, it acts as a magnifying lens, amplifying the possibilities, and giving rise to the helplessness of ever winning the war.

There are many forms of suicide, which is the extreme version of escaping THIS reality. Suicide is pouring toxins into the body. It is addictions to chemicals that blunt the pain. It is poisoning both the body and the habitat.  And it is often unconscious.

They do not see, or care, that they are speeding up the death process.

Being witness to this mass-self-destruction feeds my Demon and gives it such power.

Watching what people put in their grocery baskets, and seeing the sheer volume of garbage created. The toxins of household chemicals. The poisons in the food and packaging.

The slow murder of self and all.

I witness this and despair.  I fight so hard for my life, while so many around me are indifferent to their own slow-suicide.

People do not change easily.  We are social creatures and tend to do what our peers/community/family do. When surround by people who practice whatever habits, it is hard not to join in to be accepted. Being accepted is a need, and if it means self-harming, well … what difference does it make?

It makes a lot of difference.

It is a reflection of self-doubt and/or self-hate.
If everyone believed in their own worth, it would change everything.

I have doubts. I worry if what I create is ‘good enough’, or if I am good enough. But those thoughts are really just the Demons whispering.

We ARE good enough.
We ARE worthy.

Suicide is an option. It always has been. For me, knowing it is there any time I want it, that gives me the freedom to say, hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I wait another day? Because … that option is always there.  I just don’t need to use it …… today.

A good article ..

It says some very specific and true things.

Since re-directing my energies, engaging in some specific (and personal) therapies, and pulling back from areas that cause me distress, the Demon has lost a great deal of power.

Each person must find their own path, and there are many.

For forty years, I’ve been engaged in this battle.  But not today. Today is filled with Nature songs and energy and with a confidence that the rest of today will be filled with positive abundance and Love.

Always Love.
BE Love. It will change the world <3

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