“Look at what he’s done to me already. I think of him every time I have a drink. I think of him every time I decide NOT to have a drink. If I even meet a man who drinks or if  I see a bum on the street or smell bourbon, his face is the first thing that comes to mind.”

“Oh God, and if I’m around someone who’s had too much, I can’t stand it. I disconnect.”

“My life is filled with reminders of him. His apologies and his phony, wheedling charm, his boo-hooing when the booze got to him. ”

“There are laws for everything except the harm families do.”

… D is for Deadbeat- A Kinsey Millhone Mystery by Sue Grafton

This describes ‘it’ well, whether it is ‘he or she’.  Smell cannot be reasoned with. Smell always triggers. My trigger is beer and wine (which also masks harder alcohol like vodka). The slurred tone in the voice. The mood swings. The loud voices which easily escalate into yelling. The hard laughter with the dark edge.

So many tiny details that can trigger a flight response before the mind even registers why.

Time does not diminish this …. it worsens, deepens.

Running away from it never works.

Instead … acknowledgement must occur. Awareness.  Use this pain to help others. Share the stories. Show that while it feels isolating, there are others who understand … show that YOU understand. And then cast such bright Light in other areas of your life, that it bathes your soul. Spread that Light. BE that Light.

Be Love.


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