There is a pattern emerging that suggests a direct correlation between Facebook and … my depression.

Mid 2015 I began Facebook. By January, I crashed into a severe depression that last many months. The rest of the year remained a moderate-high level state. I noticed in a distant way that when I was away from Facebook for a few days, I felt better.

By the time 2017 rolled in, and the horror of the political situation had devastated me, I began pulling back just to avoid the onslaught of ‘news’. And I felt a little better.

March 7th, I got sick. Being sick, for me, is a mixed experience. The pain and annoyance factor is heavily offset by a very strange phenomena …. when I am sick, the depression is 100% absent.  My mood is almost always buoyant (though tempered with that annoyance factor of a sinus painfully packed!).

It is an amazing feeling … the continual struggle and weight is lifted.  It also confirms that depression is a chemical imbalance. When my body is fighting invaders, that chemistry changes.

Yes, life-events can trigger a depressive episode. Emotional distress in any form can trigger it. Emotional overload, sensory overload … all this contributes. I am in a constant state of vigilance where I expend a great deal of effort trying to keep my thoughts away from the danger-zones. When that fails, the effort goes into a sort of endurance marathon.

It is exhausting, and more so when tied with any emotional pain causing Fibromyalgia flares.

But when I’m sick ……. !! Ohhhh, the emotional relief!

After 11 days, it was over, and I noticed I didn’t ‘crash’.  The depression was there, but at the very low-grade level it had been in mid 2015. What was different??  Ahhh. I haven’t been on Facebook for weeks.

My grandmother died in her sleep last Wednesday. She had been living with my Mom for the last 4 months, and my job was the ‘morning shift’ so that my Mom could sleep. The last 5 weeks, my grandmother was bed-ridden after a fall.  The work involved was tremendous, and heart-breaking.

Her agony is finally over.

I am not sad that she is gone. I’m sad (and very angry) that she had to endure so much pain and that our society is so cruel and indifferent to the our elderly.

This sort of daze I am in now is not unpleasant.

And I still haven’t returned to Facebook.

Patterns. Life is filled with patterns.

Sending Love & Compassion to All <3


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